My Husband

Someone asked me on my FormSpring what I looked for in a husband... This caused me to reflect and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. From the young age of Barbies & playing House to high school and now college, I have always treasured the idea of my perfect husband. I've always kept a list of what I "must" have, and over the years it has morphed into a more mature expectation. Years ago it looked something like this:

-Plays guitar, piano, drums, and can sing in a beautiful tenor voice
-Plays soccer
-Loves God
-Not a druggie or an alcoholic
-Has a 6-pack
-Sweetly romantic
-Dark features with blue eyes
-Can act and enjoys the theater
-Can pick me up

Not exactly a realistic picture, hmm? :) Things have been added and scratched off my list as my hair color changed along with the color of the seasons. Today, when I was asked this question, I thought it was funny timing. My parents and I have been talking about this for the past couple weeks... I suppose I'm getting anxious about ever meeting him, as every girl worries. But my dear mother put my fears at ease when she said - if he loves God first, and then loves me, everything else will fall in place. It may seem like a simple fix, but it comforted me. I know other things will be issues...but you can't go wrong with loving God. So my answer for my FormSpring looked like this:

A man who loves God more than me will catch my eye. Someone who can be a strong leader and is worthy of being followed will earn my respect. That man with a sense of humor will make me laugh for the rest of my life. The guy who gets along with my family will have my heart. Someone with a good work ethic will make me feel secure. A man who does well with children will make me want to start a family with him. He who can be spontaneous will always make me feel young. Maturity - spiritual and personal - will allow me to lean on him when I'm weak. And at the end of the day, the man who loves me for me - curves, loud laugh, faults and all ... I will forever be devoted to him.

Proverbs 31 Woman

As I sit on my bed this Sabbath evening, it's 1 in the morning, and I desire to be a better woman. I have set aside my text books and picked up my manual for life. Reading scripture is a love, a comfort, and a challenge. Tonight, Proverbs 31 is a challenge spoken to my heart...

"A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her." (10-11a)

I admit that the desire of my heart at this point in my life is to find a help-mate to walk alongside me and share life with me. But I question myself...am I ready? Will I be a wife of noble character? Will my husband have the ultimate confidence in who I am and what I do, and will he look upon me as if I am a rare jewel?

"She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy." (20)

Oh, Father, how I pray that I will be a woman who generously gives to all. I like to think I am, but I am human and can be as selfish as anyone. I want my heart to be in a constant state of giving and sacrificing for those in need.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come." (25)

This brought to mind - what do I clothe myself with? Intelligence? Friendship? Success? Meaningful qualities or merely meaningless characteristics that have no merit? I want strength to do the right thing. I desire dignity to walk with my head held high as I partake in my Provider's pure love. I pray a joyful laugh shall stay on my tongue to get me through the hard days.

"She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue." (26)

I believe that Christ has given me a great deal wisdom for my years. Many have come to me with heavy hearts, questions about life, and requests for instruction. I pray my door will always be open to seeking hearts. Let God speak His words through me.

"Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
'Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all'." (28-29)

The first person that comes to mind is my own dear mother, for she is the exact woman I strive to be. She, in my eyes, lives out Proverbs 31. She is good, pure, hard-working, strong, beautiful, and Godly. Each of my siblings love my mother and praise her for all she is. My father still looks at her like a love-struck teenager and views her high above any other woman. My mother is my hero and I look up to her in every way.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be
praised." (30)

Finally, I am reminded not to be shallow and concerned with my appearance. I know my husband will love me for everything I am AND despite all that I am lacking. I do not need the compliments of many men. I will let the love of Jesus Christ shine through my eyes and smile and know that when my man is attracted to me, it will be for something deeper.

A way out

God daily amazes me with His faithfulness and grace.

I struggle with keeping my heart pure and hands clean in the presence of my Father, daily stumbling and dirtying my soul with the filthiness of my humanity. And yet, day after day, He forgives and bestows grace upon me.

I am unworthy of this L O V E.

I, in no way, deserve this faithful affection from someone who is perfect, holy, and all-powerful. I sin like the lost man. It was MY sin that pinned my spotless Savior to the cross. He was humiliated for ME. I crumble to my knees under the weight of His absolutely adoring me - a failure.

And because of this endless love, He provides me with a way out of temptation.

God has provided me with an incredible gift. It has been a rough week, and I had been struggling especially hard on Tuesday, but by Wednesday God brought around blessing after beautiful blessing. Within 2 days my loving Lord gave me 2 friends who struggle with the E X A C T problems I have on my plate. He poured out understanding through the friendship of 2 beautiful ladies who can keep me accountable and help me find a way out.

I am so touched.

He promises to be faithful (despite my unfaithfulness), and indeed, He is. He promises to redeem me from my sins (despite my wretchedness), and indeed, He has. He promises to love me forever (despite my unworthiness), and indeed, He will.

Secret Pleasure # 1

Everyone has secret pleasures they enjoy when no one is looking. I have many... and tonight I indulged in one of my favorites on the way home from work.

As I was driving back to Tigerville in the dark, I let down my hair and opened my sunroof with all the windows, allowing the winter air to whip my hair around my face in a frozen frenzy. The stars above me shined alongside the moon in a magical way as I popped in a favorite cd and let loose with wild abandon.

In that moment ... as goosebumps covered my body, with my hair a tangled mess and my vocal cords pushed to the limit ... I reveled in the stinging sensation of being fully alive. I could feel all of it: The shivers racking my body; The excitement of driving fast; The music pounding in my ears; The breathtaking creation of God surrounding me in the mountains.

I can feel. I can sing. I can breathe. I am fully alive. And I am filled with Joy.